My AIDS Story:
In 1991, I began to think about the
relationship I had been in for the
past 12 years. Hearing Magic
Johnson’s story about being HIV
positive and the information in the
media had brought this thinking into
play. I was thinking more and more
about my health and the destructive
choices I had made in my life. So
the decision was made, I needed to
get tested for HIV. I had an
upcoming GYN appointment and I
waited until then, approximately 6
months away. In the meantime I made
some changes in my life, my
relationship had just about ended
with Jerry. With him being away more
and more and being with me less and
less. I had not given him a key to
the most recent apartment, which
meant he could only come there if my
children or I were there. We did
didn’t have a phone because I was
filing bankruptcy- chapter 7. I also
had a toddler that I had legal
custody of to help out two of my
daughter’s friends. At the time he
was in speech therapy and I was
addicted to gambling. I played
street and lottery numbers and owed
my bookie every payday. Yes, I had
made some bad choices.
Getting back to the boyfriend of 12
years. When I first met him, he was
a recovering drug addict, or so I
thought. I really didn’t remember
all it required for addicts to
travel the path to sobriety. I say I
didn’t remember because my estranged
husband, now divorced from, was an
addict and I had experienced
attending family support meetings at
the V A Hospital with him while he
participated in an inpatient
treatment program. That was the
extent of my experience at that
time. Jerry tried and succeeded at
impressing me in the beginning with
having a job at one of the local
hospitals, the feel of family
togetherness, partying and all that
goes into a live-in relationship.
However that was only temporary, the
real him had to show up sooner or
later. One of his friends opened an
after hours club about two blocks
from where we lived. I was selling
liquor from my house to bring in
more money, which I had be doing
before he moved in. At his friends
club people could drink and smoke
marijuana. I didn’t know at the time
that they did other drugs too. Jerry
lost his job at the hospital. Not
too long after that a car hit him.
After the lawsuit was settled he got
a job with some of his friends
pouring pavement. Unfortunately he
didn’t keep that job for long. After
hiding that fact for a while it
became evident that he was not sober
anymore. He wrecked my car, which I
had only had about eight months. He
got arrested for fighting. Mishaps
and arrests came frequently
throughout the 12-year relationship.
My husband had been physically,
verbally and emotionally abusive.
Since Jerry wasn’t abusive, I could
come and go as I pleased, I was in
control of my money and had
everything in my name. For these
reasons I settled for this
relationship. I was working at the
Post Office, had a man who was
hardly around; I could do as I
pleased but I wasn’t happy. At one
point in the relationship I was
seeing someone
else on the side. Then I decided
that I didn’t want a boyfriend
anymore.
NO MORE RELATIONSHIPS! NO MORE
RELATIONSHIPS!
I came in contact with the first guy
I had thought I had fallen in love
with, about thirty years earlier. He
wanted to date me but I just wanted
to be friends. This was August 1991.
My son was in the military with a
healing broken neck. He had been in
a car accident some months earlier.
I held out until September 23, 1991.
We were officially dating one
another exclusively. He too was
attempting to overcome a drug
addiction. I voiced to him my
concern about possibly being HIV
positive and wanting to be tested.
He too wanted to be tested because
he and my previous boyfriend had
dated the same girl. She had died
the year before from AIDS. My
previous boyfriend dated the woman
at the same time he was with me.
I had my test done around the middle
of October 1991 by my GYN doctor who
refused to test me at first. I stood
on my decision. However the doctor
still didn’t feel like I should take
the test. He told me that I didn’t
fit the criteria. I wasn’t an
intravenous drug user or a
homosexual male. I told him that the
only time disease had chosen its
victims was during Passover, no
other time in the history of man had
this happened. His next argument was
the cost. At that point the cost was
irrelevant to me. I had good
benefits through my job at the post
office. He then agreed to test me.
By the middle of the following week
he called and asked me to come to
his office and to bring someone that
I could confide in with me. So I
called my friend Denise and we went
to see the doctor. The test results
were back. “The results- you’re HIV
positive. I couldn’t believe it.” He
said. “So I had the lab to run the
test 3 times to be sure. I just knew
it was wrong, but it wasn’t. I’m
sorry, so sorry. I will put in a
call to MCV Infectious Disease
Clinic to set up an appointment for
me. They have specialists in that
field there.” He thought he would
have a problem getting into the
program there because he and the
head physician overseeing the
HIV/AIDS program did not get along.
After leaving the doctor’s office I
dropped Denise off at her apartment
and went to see my new boyfriend,
Lee. I told him the results of the
test. I told him that he didn’t have
to stay in this relationship now
that I knew I was living with this
disease. He didn’t sign on for this
and I would understand if he wanted
out. He told me that he wasn’t going
anywhere. We had already discussed
the possibility of this before I
took the test. After leaving him I
went back to Denise’s apartment to
meet with my brother and my son.
Once I told them the results, to my
surprise my brother had a little
advice for me. He said, “I work with
a guy who was diagnosed with HIV a
couple of years ago. You met him at
my office. All you have to do is
follow your doctor’s instructions
and take care of yourself.” My son
was a little shocked, but had been a
supporter in other crisis. So I knew
I could count on him. They were
sworn to secrecy. No one could know.
Not even the women they were
involved with. My daughter and
future son-in-law were not available
that night. So Denise and I made
arrangements to meet them the next
day at Shoney’s Restaurant. The next
day we met as planned. I told them
and we sat at the table and cried
for a while. My daughter said, “God
never gives you more than you can
bear. We’ve made through all the
other trials and tests. What makes
this any different? We will make it
through this one. Now it’s time for
you to write that book.” My future
son-in-law was right there in
agreement and supportive.
Two weeks later the doctor called
and informed me that the head
physician of the HIV/AIDS program at
MCV had indeed refused to take my
case. She told him that she could
not take the case because a private
doctor had diagnosed me. He said,
“So I had to go around her. I used
to be a member of the board of
directors. I called in a favor and
you will be receiving an appointment
in the next day or two. Also, you
have been placed on the State
Department of Health list as HIV
positive. They will send out a
representative to see you.” I
thanked the doctor for all of his
help. The appointment took two
months. Meanwhile, Lee had been
tested and found that he was HIV
positive too. He slipped back into
getting high off and on, partly
because he couldn’t accept the fact
that he was no longer in charge of
his life and partly because he lived
in his mother’s house with two of
his brothers and a nephew that were
getting high. He wanted to get clean
but his diagnosis and his
environment wasn’t helping any. We
went through this for a couple of
years. He finally got a job that he
had been pursuing for over a year.
During all of this I had gone
through a state of depression with
periods of crying and sobbing. I had
been evicted, lived with my aunt and
grandmother and now was living with
my daughter and future son-in-law,
who were expecting a baby. With the
support of immediate family and the
few friends that knew the period of
depression had passed. This was
1994. Lee and I got an apartment
together and let my son share it
with us. Immediately, Lee went back
to support group meetings on a
regular basis, got re-instated in
his church and attended every
Sunday. The only time he missed a
service was if and only if he was
sick. He had purchased two cars, was
paying all of his bills on time, had
a wardrobe full of clothes and
shoes, had money in the bank and his
name was on the lease along with
mine. Life was good. In 1995 he was
experiencing a lapse in memory. He
was diagnosed with sclerosis of the
liver. Within that same year I had
started being sick with different
ailments and I thought I wouldn’t
live to see my daughter get married.
So I informed her and my future
son-in-law to start planning their
wedding for 1996. They were married
July 6, 1996. It was beautiful and
all was going well. Then February of
1997 my now fiancé took ill and by
June was forced to take disability
retirement. At 10:00 pm on July 7,
1997 Lee died.
Following his death I went through
periods of illness and depression. I
would go to work and get ill all
over again. This cycle continued
until September of 1998. I thought I
was sick with the flu and could get
over it at home. I was at home sick
for nearly thirty days, dying and
didn’t know it because each day that
I couldn’t get out of bed I would
call on the name of
Jesus. “Jesus, help me!”
My daughter and son-in-law had
decided to bring their two children
and move in with me. My son was
dealing with drug addiction and the
bills were not getting paid. So they
moved in to help both physically and
financially. My daughter tried to
encourage me to go to the doctor but
I thought I would get better
eventually. On the night of
September 29th
I fell to the floor on my way back
to the bed from the bathroom. I was
frail, weak and had lost so much
weight. My daughter and son-in-law
ran in to help me up off the floor.
They insisted that I go to the
hospital but I refused. I did,
however, promise to go the next day
after my daughter came home from
work. We were in the emergency room
from 3:00 pm until 1:30 am before
they officially admitted me. The
doctors told me that I should have
been dead. All of my body’s organ
functions and counts were off the
charts. If I had waited one more day
I would have been dead. I lived
because I knew enough to call on the
name of Jesus. My mother had been a
sickly woman and whenever she was
ill she’d call his name, only.
I was now full blown AIDS. Why? What
went wrong? How could this happen if
I was on medication? When my fiancé
died, I had to choose between food
and medicine because my son moved
out I had all the expenses on me. I
chose food over medicine because you
can’t take medicine on an empty
stomach.
Note to readers:
During that time I suffered with
other illnesses as well. Like
uterine infections, viruses of
various types, upper respiratory
infections and at one point I had to
have cancer cells scraped from my
cervix. I had been diagnosed with
lumbar disc disease in the late
1980s and in 1995 I had to get a
cortisone shot in my spine to help
with the pain. As a result of the
shot I couldn’t walk without holding
on to furniture for approximately
ten days. The immune system is vital
to your body’s defense against
sickness and disease of any kind.
Living with HIV/AIDS forces you into
a lifestyle change, one way or
another. Although people are living
longer now this is still a disease
that is not easy to live with.
Abstinence
is the best prevention. If you are
in a relationship already, you
should remain monogamous in that
relationship. Before entering in any
new relationship you should be
tested and make sure the other
person is tested.
Practice safe sex.
I changed my life completely and I
found that my one true love is
God.
Only He can take care of all my
needs.
For more information on HIV/AIDS go
to your doctor, pick up brochures
which give information on prevention
or contact your local health
department.
By: Willnette Cunningham
