By Stephanie Walker

LORD! I DON’T WANT TO GO TO THIS CHURCH; THESE PEOPLE GET ON MY LAST NERVE! DO YOU HEAR ME JESUS? WHY CAN’T I GO TO THE OTHER CHURCH WERE I LIKE EVERYBODY AND IF THEY DON’T LIKE ME THEY SAY IT? AND THE LORD REPLIED, “BE HEALED THE WAY I WANT TO HEAL YOU.”

Why is it when speaking to our elders we mind our conversation for fear of a back slap to the mouth even though we are of age ourselves. Yet we are quick to tell The Lord God Almighty; “I don’t want to do that!” without flinching or a blink of the eye. If you search the scriptures, when Jesus healed people they just did what he told them; “stretch out your hand, get up and walk, go wash in the pool and go show yourself to the priest” and guess what y’all, they were healed instantly.

After my divorce I went through a series of healings, none really associated with the divorce except for a broken heart. God was trying to heal me the whole time; I just didn’t want to deal with it the way he wanted to heal me. He first had to show me there was sin then get me to acknowledge it and then destroy it. Before you can be fit for the Masters use you must be purged, prepared and sanctified. (2 Timothy 2:21) I asked the LORD one day, “why do you have me in the Church of Happily Married Ever After”? He replied, “Be healed they way I want to heal you.”

I have to tell the truth about the people in this church. There were only three ladies anywhere near my age. Everybody else was married, widowed or divorced and 30 years older. But there were some interesting characters among the married couples.

There was Mr. & Mrs. Shivery - every time she moved he was right there helping her do something and getting on my nerves. Then there’s Mr. & Mrs. Word Almighty - they spoke the word, believed the word, taught the word, testified of the word, and I wanted them to just shut up already. Or what about Mr. & Mrs. Whatever - who could afford “anything you want, baby”. And lets not forget Mr. & Mrs. Family Oriented - he's got the children and the door, and she's got his bible and the next family outing planned saying, “come join us it will be fun”. I say, "NOT". And last but not least, Mr. & Mrs. I Love You More. He’s moving the hair out of her face and she’s holding his hand and they're always saying, “I love you. No, I love you more. Isn’t he great? No, my wife is the best!” Will somebody give me a paper bag, please?

I was messed up y’all. Stop and think for a minute, as I had to do. Why was I so upset with the couples that were fulfilling the word of God in their families’ lives? The answer is Envy and Strife. I wanted what they had, and I was mad because I didn’t have it. So what did I do? I went to the LORD and said, “What’s wrong with me why don’t I have that in my life?” You know one thing, God is not shy about telling you about your sin if you really want to know, and I wanted to know. And I really wanted to know, because if God was indeed going to restore my marriage I need to be ready so the same things wouldn’t happen again. If you are showing characteristics other than that of the Spirit you need to check your own heart. Jesus said, “I give you peace not as the world that fades with circumstances, but peace that surpassed understanding”. You should not be moved, by anything. Circumstances only reveal your hearts true belief: once you get this you will prevail every time. The circumstance will pass, so why are you really upset?

I had the act of Humbleness, Confidence, Boldness, Peace, Chastity, A Bridled Tongue and Right Spirit, but it was only skin deep. God wanted it to be Heart deep. So as deep began to call unto deep; I was wooed by the LORD to let go of my sin and be healed and sanctified; making me fit for his use and prepared for every good work, good or bad days. Dealing with sin is not as serious as many would lead you to believe it is. The word says confess your sin and repent. In other words turn away from it and God will forgive you and the Holy Ghost will help you do things God’s way.

I am very goal oriented and at times I like to do a thing and get it out of the way; so it seemed that every week the members of my church body were pulling something out of me that I didn’t know was there. You know its sin because you want to kill them and only the Devil steal, kills and destroys. I remember once I got so mad because one of the members came into the church and commented about the smell. The problem was that I had just cleaned the church prior to service. Now my need for approval set me in a blazing inferno towards her, I had to quickly repent and evaluate the situation; the building did smell like cleaning supplies. She made a simple observation, not a degrading statement towards the person who created the smell.

Another time the Assistant Pastor had me give a testimony about praying for a man’s leg to be healed in the park. He was healed and shared his testimony with another man who knew his condition, and that man sought me out to pray for him as well. I advised them that God would do this if they just believe and ask him for themselves. Well, low and behold the Youth Pastor preached and stated that just because you do something spiritual and it works one time don’t mean that you are qualified to do that. I could have jumped out of my skin and slapped him down to the ground, but I sat there and asked, “Father is he speaking of me or is he making a point?” This was that whole low self-esteem, seeking approval, fear of rejection thing trying to get back in. He was making a point that God will use anyone that is willing, but it doesn’t mean that you have addressed the sin in your life and dealt with it. This just goes back to that scripture in 2 Timothy 2:21 that we are to be Purged, Prepared, Sanctified and Fit for use.

Since I have gotten rid of the sin I feel like I’m away from God, but this is so not true, I’m even closer. I have to get accustomed to God’s ways of handling my circumstances and not the old way. I had placed my new wine in old skin and couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t staying. I have new wine skin now so when my cup in being filled it is running over instead of seeping out the cracks. If something always sets you off after receiving the precious promises of God, check your wine skin; you most likely have a sin problem. The word never lies: God says, “It is your sin that keeps you from Me”. And I realized it was keeping me.

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