"Why Are Men Silent In Relationships?"
By Rick Sumler

Well ladies, I am about to shed some light on this age-old question. “Why Are Men Silent In Relationships?” There are many reasons a man is quiet. Some reasons include men are uncomfortable with vulnerability, vocal communication is considered unacceptable amongst male counterparts, they are paranoid that the wife/girlfriend will expose their sensitive side through casual conversation with a female friend, and finally previous relationships leave them emotionally scarred. Now for the most part, men have very little or no emotional communicational skills at all because society views sensitivity in men as being soft or weak. “Men are not supposed to cry!” “Suck it up and be a man!” These are all stereotypical quotes that are repeated during a young man’s adolescent years.

Leaving women confused, some men yell because they believe the louder his roar proves he is the KING of his domain and therefore it needs to be recognized. This only means no more than, “Honey, I don’t understand how to listen and comprehend very well with you right now.” In the end no one wins in a shouting match.

Men are taught to cover up their sensitive side, and we become afraid to express our deepest thoughts and feelings.

Growing up, I was the little boy that did not have a strong communicational relationship with my father. As a result, I felt left out, or out of place, because my friend’s fathers participated in their sons’ lives. Whether it was sports, yard work, or simply just hanging out on “Dear Ole Dad’s Day”. I wondered why things were different for me. Then, I found out my father had the same type of relationship with me that he had with my grandfather. Different era, but the same lasting effect. I love my dad very much, but even to this day, as a grown man, I am afraid to tell him that because of how I was raised as a child, a little boy, his son.

Due to the displaying of ruthless and violent acts in neighborhoods, movies and showing little if any sensitivity at all towards women, fuels the quest of men to dominate and reign supreme over and around their surroundings at all times. Therefore, the projection of this lifestyle leaves little room to reveal a softer side.

Not all men are hiding something, simply because he does not talk much about anything. It may be that he is just quiet and is not very good or not interested in a lot of things that don’t directly affect his well being, such as politics, world affairs, entertainment, or other issues, so don’t be alarmed. On the other hand, if your man is great conversationalist and displays his emotional side on a daily basis, but all of sudden it changes or stops, then it’s time to investigate the reason why. Then again, some men contain their feelings until a woman makes a mistake causing him to explode and blame her for everything that’s wrong in the relationship. This happens because the man wants to feel superior instead of an equal partner.

The fear of some men opening up emotionally in an intimate setting is proven difficult at best because rejection to us is like kryptonite to superman. We (men) are supposed to be the providers of our families, while also supplying their materialistic needs. Yet, we easily neglect the emotional development that so often reinforces the area of disconnection. Moreover, causing our significant other to wonder why, then ask the question, “Why?” with little or no assistance in discovering the lack of verbal communication, which is needed, but not provided.

It is not uncommon for fathers and positive role models to fall short of instilling the proper values and urgency of good effective emotional and verbal communication. By society standards, showing “No Love” is the status quo. However, REAL men come equip with an emotional connection within him, therefore extending all aspects of his masculinity outward. This enables him to never be afraid to share his vulnerability with his friends, family, society, and most importantly his significant other.

Communication breaks down all barriers and closes gaps by bringing couples closer together. Strengthening the foundation to stand by each other’s side through whatever situations may present them is key to continuous growth. Not talking things out will leave someone in the dark, misinformed, or left to assume that nothing is wrong, when in actuality it is, because most men continue to remain silent.

So the next time your man is quiet, take the following approach. Ask your man nicely. “Baby, how was your day?” Wait for a response. Then proceed by asking him, “What can I do to make things better?” Or perhaps you could set aside some time each day, each weekend, etc. for you all to just talk about anything. Or maybe just hold each other and take that time to enjoy each other alone. So ladies these are three helpful hints to open up those communication lines without hurting your man’s feelings.

Rickie R Sumler, A.K.A 1st Amendment, began writing poetry in high school. He began his poetry career with personalized poetry for all occasions. Nearly three years ago, he expanded his writing abilities towards the increasingly popular spoken word arena. Currently, Rick continues to compose original poems for clients, while also preparing to release his forthcoming CD.

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